My thinking was that, if I took hormones, I’d grow taller and wouldn’t look much different from biological men. I told her that I thought I was a boy and that I wanted to become one.Īs I look back, I see how everything led me to conclude it would be best if I stopped becoming a woman. She asked me the same question my mother had. Shortly after, I moved in with my father and his then-partner. I then found some websites about females transitioning to male. Around this time, out of the blue, my mother asked if I wanted to be a boy, something that hadn’t even crossed my mind. This made me wonder if there was something inherently wrong with me. I had never had a positive association with the term “lesbian” or the idea that two girls could be in a relationship. Something else was happening: I became attracted to girls. I just stayed in my room, avoiding my mother, playing video games, getting lost in my favorite music, and surfing the internet. I had been moving a lot too, and I had to start over at different schools, which compounded my problems.īy the time I was 14, I was severely depressed and had given up: I stopped going to school I stopped going outside. My mother’s alcoholism had gotten so bad that I didn’t want to bring friends home. But I didn’t feel I really belonged with the girls either. I was often in pain and drained of energy.Īlso, I could no longer pass as “one of the boys,” so lost my community of male friends.
Then my periods started, and they were disabling. I thought I was the only one who hated how my hips and breasts were growing. A lot of teenagers, especially girls, have a hard time with puberty, but I didn’t know this. Then puberty hit, and everything changed for the worse.
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